Cat Story

I don't want to hurt my cat's feelings.

This says a lot about me, but not much about the cat. Allow me to explicate: Xena-kitty is ten years old, and posessed of exactly seven teeth. Hygiene is not her strong suit, nor is brainpower. But she is cute. None can resist the Big Blue Eyes of Doom!

Right now those big blue eyes are staring at me, begging for confirmation that their owner is indeed a Mighty Huntress, whose very name strikes terror into the hearts of small rodents. She presents as evidence an old cat toy: a small stuffed fish whose tail was lost to my dog's puppy days and whose body is riddled with puncture-marks.

Aw Xena, you're kind of pathetic. But I can't tell you that.

When she came trotting downstairs, meowing urgently, I thought something was wrong. This wasn't her "Give me food! Now!" meow, nor was it her "I wandered into a closet and now I can't remember how to get out!" meow. As she came into view, all became clear: this was her "Look what I caught! I am a Mighty Huntress!" meow. Her partner-in-crime, Mercatroid, has a similar meow that he used when he caught my sister's pet mouse.* Even the late Kinda, a neurotic scaredy-cat who piddled on herself and ate cardboard, managed to catch an actual fish from our aquarium and drag it upstairs to show everybody.** And Michiko...we won't go there.*** But here is Xena, waiting expectantly for me to praise her for catching a stuffed cat toy.

Aw, Xena. You are so not a Mighty Huntress. Darnit, stop looking at me like that! ...Oh, fine. C'mere and I'll scratch your chin.

*This happened twice, to the same mouse. Miraculously, it survived both encounters and died peacefully of old age.
**The fish also survived the encounter and lived to a ripe old age.
***She wears the guise of a cute, fluffy kitten, but is almost certainly some sort of bloodthirsty demon.